Sailor Jupiter VS Oriko Mikuni
by Col. Sayaka Miki
Summary: A shocking Sailor Scout takes on the magical girl oracle.


**Two names are randomly selected from an ever-growing list of over eight hundred, and the selection is...**

 **ORIKO MIKUNI**

 **VS**

 **SAILOR JUPITER**

 **Jupiter, begin!**

 _Aw, yeah!_  
 _Now it may come as quite the shock_  
 _But I'm here to clean your clock_  
 _Ever since the nineteen-nineties I've been running this block_  
 _Got my reputation known by all far and wide_  
 _I'm the queen of throwing lightning in the faces I've defied_  
 _The outer space empress is here to clear the slate_  
 _Against a bug-eyed freak in a costume made of cheesecake_  
 _I won't make it personal if you agree as well_  
 _But if you get into that then I'll zap your ass to hell_  
 _I'm a Sailor Scout, a soldier, call me Jupiter alright_  
 _I'm royalty, so kneel, or I'll set your hair alight_  
 _Fought more ugly monsters than you have ever seen_  
 _And the piles of all my victories border on obscene_  
 _Statuesque and a beauty beloved by all that live_  
 _Now go and say your piece, I have no fucks to give_

 **Oriko, it's yours!**

 _Ah, know we just begun but we're running out of time_  
 _You're racing to be acing against me at rhyme_  
 _Call my words a crime, I'd take you in your prime_  
 _But now you're nearly forty so i crush you into limestone_  
 _Where's your space throne?_  
 _Princess, you got nothing but a cosplay costume_  
 _All that power goes to waste so soon_  
 _It's a tragedy that you're battling me_  
 _Cause I actually liked you_  
 _But I can see how this all ends_  
 _You don't pull through_  
 _They call you pretty soldiers, but where's the sense in that?_  
 _I've got more gravitas than all nine of you in my hat_  
 _You're taken down every second episode_  
 _When a new foe corrodes some folk's abode_  
 _Sacrificial Lion, so Sailor Moon gets the spotlight_  
 _I think I'll make some tea and let Kirika take this fight_

 **Jupiter's rebuttal!**

 _My name is Makoto, you frilly rich girl_  
 _I'm the power behind the team that saves the world_  
 _You're just the villain from some unknown spin-off_  
 _A little arc or bolt to tenderize until your soft_  
 _I toss the monster of the week over my head_  
 _Before I even learned I can shock 'em all instead_  
 _Defeating all the evil, Sailor Scouts that number five_  
 _Meanwhile your beaten by kids who can't even survive_  
 _Twelve episodes? What fun can you have in there?_  
 _Try two series, eight seasons, I'm still on the air_  
 _You weren't even in the show, just a book no one read_  
 _Your audience came to us after all of you were dead_  
 _But it's not like I can complain, you kept the genre going_  
 _Oh wait, no you didn't, cause the Moon is always glowing_  
 _It's a simple dynamic, I'm the veteran and you're newbs_  
 _So now you can relax and let your stalker touch your boobs_

 **Oriko, finish this!**

 _Well, I can tell you, I certainly saw that coming_  
 _A crude attempt at rap, really just your mouth running_  
 _You brought up Sailor Moon Crystal, but I don't get the hype_  
 _You'll still always be the same old over-hyped archetype_  
 _The brawn before the brains fighter girl in the mix_  
 _With the brains and the whits and the two blonde bimbo twits_  
 _But I separate myself from that sort of trope_  
 _I'm in a duo and this way I don't run out of hope_  
 _I've got someone else running around doing all the work_  
 _Which is good, because using my own power tends to hurt_  
 _Oh, but not me, silly, it hurts whoever it's aimed at_  
 _Properly powered I could disintegrate five wimps and two cats_  
 _Easy pickings, but it's not like a victory I could need_  
 _I'd rather wipe out witches, running on their grief seeds_  
 _My parents may be dead and my soul held for ransom_  
 _But I'm the one sipping tea in a rose garden behind_ my _mansion_

 **Combatants cease!**

* * *

 **As this is a one-off rap battle, feel free to comment on what your favorite parts were, mention any parts you thought were lacking, and let me know who you think won. Friendly reminder that this has been a randomized selection of two characters from a list of over eight hundred. As such, I'm not taking suggestions, for two reasons. This is set up the way it is so I cannot end up with characters I don't actually know anything about, and an interactive rap battle series would be against the rules of the site. :p  
** **Furthermore, this isn't a rap battle _series_. I may write other rap battles, but they will be separate and self-contained. I will write them when I see fit, and will ward off anyone who thinks they can influence what rap battles I write next. I told you already. It's random.  
** **Hope you enjoyed the battle. Please refrain from mindless one-word reviews and feel at liberty to over-analyze the lyrics.**


End file.
